IN SEARCH OF PRIMORDIAL DOT

By Dr Agha Inamullah Khan

11th December 2012

Enduring all day rubbish

Standing on the terrace; watching the sun drown in ocean.

Memories suffocating to find a small whorl hole to drain down

With one last pop of an air bubble at the top; leaving a damp quick sand of life

Is that life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What am I searching!!!!!!!

Why this never ending quest!

Only to add disasters in our accounts

And giggle over them for being called disasters

Labeling them as tests; in marathon of achieving goals

Where is that unseen, mysterious jigsaw?

I wander aimless in grief

Like a missing piece

Yet unaware of what will it become, even when put back where it belonged.

Bit of cyber sexing, and we are back to mistuned frequencies trapped in the ether of trillions of wanderers like me.

My journey smells same old rotten bodies from Zeepa, Tuzla, Shakila, Gaza and Karbala

Raped women and children

Starving Ethiopian mouths

Dead from disease and poverty and wars of greed,

Buried in layers of fog of despair in bone chilling January

Silence

Celestial silence

Echoing along endless path of Black hole

I don't see any reflection of hope at the other end of the tunnel yet

I do not see Zainab and Hussain holding out hands to help

Am I lost or have I reached where I belong!

Tortured, tormented apart the reality itself

What is next!!

Any clue!!

Faith, the only hobby to kill the boring tik tik of the clock

Running between the Dilemma of Hell and Heaven

Rebelling against programmed prayers

Taking on Priests blaming

Sometimes even lost faith

Acting out a comic role play

On an imaginative Atheist's theater

Sometimes as son of God

Sometimes as God

Pondered in dismay

Between God of monotheists and of Polytheists

And worshipped my dreams; the very children of my idol statue of pain

Suffocating in disbelief

Often slapped myself to wake up from infidelity

And refreshed faith again

My conscious trembles in fear of losing everything

While my body surrenders in submission to His desire

And gained praises of nobility and applauded for clergies'.

Believing to have reached non-believer state

I tend to be cautious hiding my belief

For they have chosen me to pierce the barrier of delusion overlapping Reality

I am sinking back into me

Breathing as never ending

Anaerobic

Super nature's delusional art

Is my journey over!!!!!!!!!

Have I reached the primordial dot?